Alright so I’ve gotten terribly behind on the blog–I’ll admit it. I’m now over a week behind and it’s kind okay because I’ve been busy and doing a lot of the same. So perhaps what I will do is give you guys the best quippy summary of my week and get us caught up before I have my last week here and then go to Livingstone which I’ll definitely want to write about.
Friday
Friday as I mentioned at the end of my last post was nurses day. After morning devotional I got sent with Dr. Shimunza to nurses day. We all lined up outside to parade to the church. The nurses were in full uniform which if you were wondering is a skirt, blouse, flats, nylons, and a cap. (Which reminds me I should get a picture with some of the nurses before I skedaddle.) Then we waited for the honored guest-a random official to show up. And waited. And waited. And waited. The ceremony was supposed to start at 9:00 A.M. I am not joking that we didn’t start until 12! Chipata where the guy was coming from is an hour away. I don’t know how this math adds up but not in his favor. On the bright side I got to spend more time with Theodora–we got to talk about the saints and physiotherapy while hiding in her office which is thankfully out of the sun. The mentality was that when we hear the marching band start up–which yes there was a marching band–then we can go out.
“Why isn’t their physiotherapy day?”
“Or even better,” One of her friends said, “Pharmacy day!” he was incidentally from pharmacy. “We don’t get a marching band, I want a marching band.”
Ah well it did start eventually–and when it did Theodora didn’t even go because it was going to be long and tedious. Which it was and it wasn’t. Half of the nurses didn’t show up and took it as a day off which helped. Furthermore, the elected official which we’d spent all our time waiting for was in a hurry so we had to rush through the ceremony–well the cool parts. Let the government official spend five years talking about where the governments money is going, cut off the village midwives doing a traditional dance and song, go on thanking random people for years, try to stop the choir in the middle of a beautiful song. I’m not even joking.
It was a really fun ceremony though, they gave out awards, had singing and dancing, had a poetry recitation written by one of the nursing students, and a reenactment. I’ll touch on these briefly. The poetry recitation involved choreographed moves and was very rhyme heavy which made it fun. Sometimes I think they did throw words in like “baboon” in just to make it rhyme though. Wait! Remember the other day when I was in physiotherapy and confused about the chanting? Thats what it was! I think it was written by this third year nursing student who stopped developing at about the age of 10 so she looks like a ten year old but she’s wicked smart and her poetry was really fun.
Now for the reenactment. Florence Nightingale is the first nurse and started nursing in 1820 during the Napoleonic War. She saw how awful conditions were and set out to make a difference. Now how they reenacted this was all the girls in their nice and proper outfits set up a nursing station. Then the guys who had outfitted themselves as guerillas–painted their faces black, put moulage on, tied branches to themselves, and put on bandages ripped in on an ambulance which might not have been historically accurate. The guys then–who were having the time of their lives–carried each other, hobbled, crawled to the nurses and collapsed. They were running shouting walking into trees! The nurses then cleaned them–taking the branches off and what not and then the skit ended. What is really funny is that as soon as the skit ended the honored guest gave one of his interminably long speeches before the guys had gotten up from the makeshift hospital beds. So the guys just layed there pretending to be dead the entire speech–which honestly was probably a better experience than listening to the speech.
That evening I went for a walk with Becky the anesthesiologist. We have the same taste in music and had a fantastic time with each other. We did try to get flagged down by some guards but she just ignored them. She’s a very confident woman. She likes a lot of the same music and shows which makes her fun to work with. She also has hilarious stories over her woes with men–which Zambian men are something special–I’ll touch on that I promise in this quick recap. She also bullied Sugar Cane off of one of her friends because, “We won’t make it all the way back if we don’t have sugar.”
“But you have water.”
“Aye, water isn’t sugar it won’t quench my thirst like sugar cane.”
This sugar cane I could eat fine and I suspect that the guy who gave Theodora and I sugar cane didn’t give us ripe sugar cane. (Now I want sugar cane and you can’t buy it in the local market–perhaps I will have to start accosting people for it.)
Saturday
I agreed to go to the SDA service saturday morning. It was three hours long. I’m not made for that on a saturday morning without breakfast–okay I could have eaten before hand but I was lazy. They started with a kids service which was rather cute. The kids sang a song, had a skit about the virtues where they acted it out and did a demonstration. I had been a little confused when I’d walked in that morning and there was a giant pitcher of water labeled “Jesus,” but that was part of the skit. It is very ironic to sing a hymn that involves “wine” in a church that doesn’t drink. The choir came up–they were very good–and then was the lesson.
This was a little hard for me to follow as they moved between about 20 bible verses but they definitely mentioned a few times how awful the Catholic church was which didn’t particularly give me the warm and fuzzies. I mean we are all trying to follow God why waste time tearing each other down–also don’t ask me if I enjoyed the lesson afterwards? What answer can I give?
Then there was more singing and then the pastor finally came out. My boi Pastor Dream he gave a short prayer and then someone else preached. It was about God being good the whole time and it wasn’t bad and then that was the end of the service. I was very dizzy at this point but as Rick put it at least I didn’t have to kneel, which is true. The service composed of sitting and standing. I never thought I would get tired of sitting in a pew but that happens as well believe it or not.
After lunch which I’d spent a lot of time thinking about–I did my work and went out for a beautiful but unmemorable walk. I did try to sit on a bridge and enjoy the little stream but it’s a little hard to do when it is filled with trash and people keep asking me what I am doing. “Why is that white woman sitting on the bridge looking at the trash?” Is probably what was going through their heads.
Sunday
See I really am moving! I’m doing an okay job too I think–be proud of me–I’m managing to not ramble quiet as much. Dang it, I’m doing it now. Sunday morning Theodora and I went to church. It was a much better experience because I now consider Theodora my friend so it wasn’t as nerve wracking as getting in the car with a stranger. I also was very glad to go to a service that was more familiar. The music was beautiful, I’m doing better with the dancing, and it was the ascension. What really trips me up is how the priest sometimes says a sentence or two in English. My brain immediately latches onto that and then hurts when I can’t understand anything else. I did get that the homily had something to do with the Ascension as he kept gesturing like he was getting raised up.
The old church ladies greeted me today and it made me really happy. I have successfully learned how to greet in two of the tribal languages so I did alright even if that is the extent of my conversation besides smiling. It is very humbling to pray in a church that doesn’t have pews just little concrete bench things and to watch these old women kneel down giving it their all.
We went shopping for vegetables after church and Theodora bought a cabbage after I assured her I knew how to cook it. “Alright come by for lunch and cook the cabbage!” So after hanging at home for an hour I walked to her house to cook with her. There were two of her coworkers kids hanging out which was really fun although at one point Charity who didn’t speak any English just face planted on the ground and laid there holding a toothbrush as you do when a toddler. I made the kids cabbage hats and then made Lillian’s cabbage slaw. The best part of cooking in the kitchen was that the door opened up to where some neighborhood chickens lived. What makes this so awesome is when you have food scraps you could just throw them out to the chickens. We did have one hen though who was a little too bold and kept coming up into the kitchen. If only she’d have known what was roasting in the oven she might have realized this was not the place for her to be.
Spending time with Theodora is really easy and it was an enjoyable afternoon. We sat on her bed eating the abundance of food which we’d made, cabbage slaw, noodles, beef, and chicken. We watched Alone which she enjoyed although she’s a little skeptical of the cold and just talked. Since when I’d gone to the service I’d had several people tell me to convert and she says they have had people on her all the time to convert. They also don’t let religious leaders of other denominations in after they let the Catholic bishop in once. It’s very different in some ways.
On a funnier or more horrifying topic we talked about the different animals that have shown up and terrified her in her room. “One time I thought there was an extension cord and it was snake. I screamed and jumped on my bed. Thankfully, I had my phone so I could call someone.” There was a very similar story with a scorpion. I’m not sure I’d have the guts to live here long term if I new snakes might randomly crawl into my room. I love her openness, faithfulness, and trust. She has such a burning love for God it is a wonderful thing to be around.
That evening I headed down into Chipata with Rick and Emmanuel because I was out of food. I think the only thing worth mentioning is what an easy sell I am. (It’s like everytime I go to the vegetable market for one thing and the ladies just start showing me fruit and I’m like okay I’ll buy some.) I was in line to check out behind Emmanuel who was buying 32 loaves of bread. Which is a strange looking purchase. I had to ask him because there certainly is not that much bread in the guest house unless he keeps it in his closet. Which word to the wise if you ever are at your friends house and you open the closet and it’s just full of bread–that’s weird. Turns out he makes lunch for the other workers on the school project. Anyways back to me being a sucker. I asked the boy behind me if the sodas he was buying were good. He said yes. I bought a soda. The power of suggestion is strong. It turned out to be a good thing because when we got back I was too tired to cook so I just had Fanta for dinner. That’s acceptable right? Theodora got me hooked on this Netflix show-The Mole and that’s how I spent my evening. (Not writing this blog obviously)
Monday
Ugh I stayed up too late watching that show and now there is prayer at 7:30 this morning. I was still down there earlier than most and got to sing some songs. The lady who preached kept switching back and forth between English and Nchanga. What this means is that the Pastor who was translating got to keep switching back and forth. It was something about being alert and ready. A prayer service is a good way to start the work week I will admit.
Dr. Shimunza had a meeting after prayer–the weekly management meeting–which sounds like one of life’s great joys so I went to the theater to wait for him. (The operating theater not the movie theater) In theater we tied a ladies tubes which is much different from doing a C-section because the hole is much smaller so you’ve got to do a lot more squishing. I actually got weirdly dizzy during this procedure but I think it might have been my sleep deprivation catching up to me.
We did rounds in the maternity ward learning about Para and Gravida and then broke for lunch. I’m not even sure what to do with a two hour lunch. You can nap, watch a show, read a book, wonder why you aren’t at work and then go back. I showed back up at 15:00 but it wasn’t until 16:00 that Shimunza showed up just in time to help a patient that was bleeding out—always a lovely day. Instead of anesthetizing the poor woman he just said, “Hold her down” and told her to be brave and strong. She had a retained placenta which he went in and cleaned out. It was a little violent and I think you’d normally anesthetize them but I don’t think he deemed there was time. Whenever she started screaming too loud he told her to be quiet so I guess they are just tougher in Africa. The Doctor was annoyed by how many students were standing around doing nothing so he kicked them out of the room which was a bit fun to see him get mad. I have more of an excuse for not doing anything I have no idea where the things he is asking for are.
Thinking we were done we sat down to do notes and wait a few minutes to check to see if she was done bleeding. And you know what happened. We had two women come in in need of C-Section one with twins. Dr. Shimunza as any doctor at the end of the work day is was not thrilled with having this extra end of the day work. What this means is halfway through the first he kicked the other assist to go set up the second and left me to hand him the tools. “No Claire the gauze not abdominal pack.” They look very similar one is just bigger than the other. “Alright clamps.” I don’t think anyone should take over from an assist halfway through a surgery because it’s difficult to find the tools when someone else has laid them out. Just a heads up. Eventually the doctor left too and I finished cleaning up this woman with a nurse. I did spill blood all over the floor so I still have a lot to learn.
The second assist twins are a very exciting thing until you get HIV blood all over you scrubs. I honestly don’t know how this happened except that there is a small amount of space between the boots and the apron that the blood just decided to spurt all over. It’s okay it came out eventually. I can honestly say there is no more HIV in my pants. (Well unless the ladies blood I got on them the other day has HIV as well then I’m in trouble again.) The baby boy came out well and the baby girl came out needing resuscitation and then proceeded to be very unhappy with the world. Can’t really blame her, getting cut out of a ladies stomach isn’t a pleasant way to start.
By the time I got back to the guest house someone had locked it up. I guess they just assumed I had been in my dark room all evening or perhaps I’m just not a memorable presence. Anyhow Asbel came and opened the door for me and after a delicious meal of, you guessed it, beans and rice I went to bed. (Now are you seeing why I might have gotten behind on the blog. Forget the two hour lunch break!)
Tuesday
I’ve finally seen it! A vaginal delivery. Can I tell you it is a much less violent thing. If you ever have the choice between C-section and vaginal and are like hmmm I don’t know which one to choose? Pick the one that doesn’t involve cutting a baby out of your stomach. What was funny is the midwife was explaining to me her charting and the lady was only at 7 cm. Next thing you know the baby just kind of slid out and it was over. Well apart from all the other steps.
Dr. Shimunza came by for a short period of time but he kept having meetings so I just hung out with the midwives. They are much more wholesome than the OR crew. Perhaps it has to do with their job. They are very practical though. “Oh this is happening? Tough it out girly.”
They kept making jokes about the economy and becoming rich by selling tomatoes because for whatever reason the price is skyrocketing. Hey it wouldn’t be an illegal way to make money. We went and saw the twins who had been born the day before and they were cold enough that they sent the tired mom for some skin to skin contact. It was this woman’s sixth and seventh baby, sixth pregnancy, and she was fourty. Did I mention that Dr. Shimunza just decided to tie her tubes the night before because she had too much scaring from her last C-Section. Well thankfully today she was very happy with that decision. She was less happy that she had to hold both babies at once and that the babies had to get IV fed because she wasn’t producing milk yet. Even better we got to set the kids up on HIV medication. Really it was a great day for everyone involved especially the tiny babies who got to get IV’s!
I had Theodora for dinner and we had a lovely time over my exceedingly exciting meal. I tried frying the tofu first and I’m glad she wasn’t here for that disaster because it just turned into charcoal which isn’t my idea of a good meal. It was nice to get to relax and hangout and then she had to go–I hope she knows I can cook more than cabbage and rice.
Wednesday
I was tricked into empowering woman today! We went into the theater after doing rounds in OB where the mother who we’d told to hold her twins had set them on another bed and was sleeping peacefully. I guess she might have a case of two tired to parent.
Anyways. This poor boy had a broken tibia so the goal was to manipulate it back into place because we didn’t have screws and he was young so sure we can yank on his bones. Dr. Shimunza turned to Mary and I and went, “okay you hold the knee and you hold the ankle.” We did that.
“Now put your feet against each other and lean back pulling as hard as you can.”
Okay that was a little strenuous. Then Dr. Shimunza got a wonderful look on his face.
“Okay, ladies I need you to hold that for 3 or so minutes to stretch out the muscle so I can move the bone into place.”
Mary and I looked at him. “What?”
“Woman empowerment.”
It was a bit of a rough three minutes and the boy should be very glad he was asleep because like any manipulation it turns into a comical situation complete with Dr. Shimunza putting all his weight to get the bone back.. My hands kept slipping for one. And then once we got the bone into place we had to keep holding because they had to plaster his leg into a cast. And its not like you can quit cause you are tired because you are the option between this boy walking normally again and not. After this my arms shook like you would not believe.
“Are you alright?” I asked Mary.
She held up equally shaking hands.On the bright side we got to eat lunch after this which was as usual ugali. The thing is you eat this with your hands. It’s hard to get food in your mouth when your fingers are shaking uncontrollably but we persevere. At lunch one of the nurses was trying to sell perfume. Becky picked one up and read it-Seduce me. Except, because she’s an anesthesiologist she read it sedate me. She immediately turned to one of the guys. “Come here, sedate me baby!”
This devolved quickly.
“Come let me sedate you girl,” and “oh yes give me that ketamine,” and “my girl sedates so well you wouldn’t believe how well I slept.”
I think we deal with to much blood to be normal people.
On rounds that afternoon I got to remove stitches. When asked if I’d ever done it before I said yes without thinking. Thankfully its actually easier to remove stitches on a human than a dog even if there are 20 of them to remove. (One day, one day this guy will get his skin graft.) Once they’d made sure I could do it, they just left me. Like I had students asking me questions but there was no one qualified there. Some of the students think I’m a doctor so maybe that was why but I feel like Claire with a scalpel should be kept supervised.
I also got to spend a whole lot of time trying to figure out an ancient printer. We spent an hour trying to print documents off of it. Me and the dental team who were giving a presentation. I was just there to watch Theodoras stuff but they seemed to think I knew what I was doing. Which we got it done eventually but like it was because someone showed up with a USB drive.
I wasn’t going to walk that evening but I changed my mind because I decided I was being lazy and started walking as fast as I could towards Malawi. I didn’t make it. And by the time I turned around the sun had gone down a while ago. This is one of those situations where you are walking through the dark African woods and thinking hmmm I could have planned this better to bad I was having an existential crisis.
Thursday
I survived! Just in time for the dental meeting too which was so riveting that I slept through it. I’m not proud, but also when you start going into the exact chemical compounds that are in different fillings I’m not likely to stay awake–ask Dr. Carpenter. Dr. Shimunza then had yet another meeting so while wandering aimlessly around the maternity ward because I can’t do anything on my own and I can’t even talk to the patients I poked my head in the theater.
“Claire! Come in! Watch Eye surgery!”
Okay well that was something to do. Word to the wise. Do not watch this surgery. It was a ten year old boy with an eye removal. I’m not kidding when I say they turn it into soup and then scoop it out. Then they sew it shut while the kid screams because it is so painful that he can feel it through anasthesia.
Thankfully because it’s the operating room crew we got so distracted discussing something that I forgot I’d been thinking about throwing up. What was it we were talking about? Oh yes polygamy. In Zambia it is quiet common to take a second wife–not a second husband though as Mary and I argued for.
“Just think you’d have someone to do all the shopping and go out with!”
Mary and I–”No we don’t want to share!”
“I have too much loving for one woman. And think you would know where I was if I was gone you wouldn’t have to wonder.”
“Well than can we have multiple husbands?”
“No, you don’t need I am enough.”
Hold up Lazarus.
“Just think of Solomon he had 1000 wives and he was the wisest guy every–because he had so many wives.”
“I don’t think that’s why he was considered wise.”
“Okay Claire, how many kids do you want to have?”
“Umm I don’t know 3-5 maybe?”
“Wow, that’s a lot for a woman. Well I want fifteen and one woman won’t give me that so I need more women.”
“Why do you want that many kids Lazarus.”
“I must build my empire!”
“Aren’t you afraid of getting beaten down by your wives—why would you want two.”
“Oh I could handle it and besides there are more girls than guys born so we need to be generous with ourselves.”
Incidentally he asked me out for drinks later and I told him I would not be his second wife but I would go if the rest of the theater crew went too.
Then we went and removed a birth control implant.
“You know,” Lazarus started. (Oh excellent), “Condoms are just no fun.”
Well thanks for sharing. “And this is?” I pointed at him as he was cutting into the woman’s skin.
“It is for me!”
Later in the office Mary and I sat down for a moment. “Zambian men, I’m telling you they are awful.”
“Yeah.”
“You date them for free and they still cheat on you. It’d be okay if they were rich and bought you things at least.”
“Mary, I think a lot of men are like that.”
And Lazarus showed back up again, “No, no no, girls are way more willing to cheat. They just don’t talk about it because they don’t care as much as guys do.”
“Lazarus, are you sure?”
“Yes, yes.”
“I know so many guys who have cheated.”
“But there are more women!”
And finally, Dr. Shimunza showed up for our C-sections. Which we only did three in a row which is a bit rough. The first girl was fifteen, fun fact. I’m really getting a late start. (Especially when Dr. Shimunza and I did rounds and there was a sixteen year old who was trying really hard to have a baby after a misscarriage.) It’s just very different culturally.
During the last C-Section there were some new midwives who wrote the report. While we were sewing the lady up they asked for my last name and then gave up when I said Montowski. I thought that was a bit of a weird ask. Well until they gave the report.
“Ceaserean Section completed by Dr. Shimunza and Dr. Clara…” I didn’t even know what to say except if I’m a doctor I should be making a lot more money. Juma the anesthesiologist for the evening and I smirked at each other. Dr. Shimunza let it lie but now in official Zambian documents it says I am a doctor. I wonder if that will count for my medical degree and I can skip the whole school for ages thing.
That night I went and found the spring where we get all our water which is running dry. It was a really pretty walk along the stream bed and through some fields with flowers so I won’t complain.
I got quizzed about my fake husband by a random guy and I’m so glad I have one. Although people in general don’t like Polish names here.
“What is your last name, my dear?”
“Montowski.”
“Ah, Ms. Clara, I am a bachelor who lives up the road, are you married?”
“Yes.”
“What is your husbands last name?”
“Szpilka,”
“Ah, I also cannot say that.”
“Sorry.”
“What is his first name?”
“Chris.”
“Ah Mrs. Chris is what I will call you. What do you do Mrs. Chris?”
The guy was friendly enough once I’d convinced him of my marital status through a series of questions and he told me where to walk so overall a win even if I have to live with knowing that someone thinks I’m Mrs. Chris.
Quote of the Post: "I must build my empire!"
Song of the Post: Any Way You Want It -Journey (Because that's what I want in my husband.)
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